More to life than money

Last night was pretty much the last straw for me at work. I almost walked out and told my MNGR that I was done. If things don't change then I really will be done. I have been having a real hard time making myself go to work. Between having another CSM that I have to watch what I say around cause she is too busy kissing ass and trying to make herself look good and having a manager that thinks it is ok to let her little posse get a way with everything they want and still treat me with disrespect. Markm being the good manager that he is, pulled me to the side and asked if everything was alright. So that turned into a 20 minute conversation with him telling me to take Frid and Saturday off so I can have a four day span of being off before I snap. Well that is great and I think I really need to do it.

well if you all know me personally you know that Ray (husband) works with me. So I went over to his department and proceeded to tell him what was going on. Instead of him saying something supportive he pops off about how maybe he should go and say he is too stressed just to get a few extra days off. Than starts talking about how I will be causing us to loose money. Well I am sorry but somethings are a little more than money. Plus if work keeps going the way it is, I will be causing us to loose a lot of money cause I will quit.

But anyways, I tell him to screw himself and walk off. Not really talk to him much the rest of the night until we are on our way to school. I decided to tell him what was going on to cause me to want to pull my hair out or better yer bay's and Amy's. Once again never really asked me about it. Then he starts talking about how I will be causing us to be short 200 dollars (again) and how he guesses that we can wait a month to get the cable back on. OOO you should have been there just so you could hear the way he said it. Like he was trying to make me feel guilty about not being at work. It is fucking amazing how someone who is suppose to be in your life and care about you can turn around and start going off and worry only about the money part when you are talking about missing work. I mean, yea maybe I should have expected this since it is an argument any other time I miss work and he has to go to work. But still thought that since I was talking about walking off myjob right at that point that maybe he would be a little understanding. Well apparently not.

So now I am going to have to go to work Fri and sat since I don't have his approval because I don't feel like arguing with him about me having a weekend of. This is so fucking stupid. I still don't see how money is everything and why I should wear myself down to the ground trying to make sure I get the most that I can possible everyday. Not like I am talking about only working 3 days a week from now on. Just talking about this weekend so hopefully I can make it till my vacation

Everyone Deserves a Chance to Love, Support Gay Marriage

Do you want to live in a country that legalizes discrimination? Despite the recent California Supreme Court decision that denying same-sex couples the right to marry is unconstitutional, efforts are underway throughout the country to take away rights from same-sex couples.

I just joined thousands of others in showing my support for marriage equality for all. But recently, proponents of bigotry and hate collected even more signatures in an attempt to invalidate the California Supreme Court decision. And they won’t stop with California - extremists are even trying to add a ban of marriage for same-sex couples to the U.S. Constitution.

We are at a turning point in our nation’s history and I’m hoping you’ll join me in standing up against discrimination. Please sign the Million for Marriage petition and get us one name closer to showing that Americans overwhelmingly support marriage equality!

www.MillionForMarriage.org

Every committed couple deserves to enjoy the privileges and responsibilities conferred by marriage. Add your name to the petition and be a part of the movement to fight for marriage equality for all.

Thank you!

Glance In A Mirror

It really amazes me the way people act and perceive themselves. Thinking that you are soo much better than everyone else just because your family may have money. But see the thing is you that you need to look in a mirror.

Everytime I see you, you are degrading someone either cause of their race or because they aren't your parents. You are disrespectful and just plain lazy. You are just a blackhole that sucks the life out of everything. Your true colors are showing and I have never seen them so vibrant. Between breaking and entering, constantly calling my best friends 16 year old brother a "faggot" everytime you talk to him all because he happens to be a gay male. I mean come on you are a lesbian yourself and should see how there is already enough hate towards the GLBT community, we dont' need anymore from some who is a part of it.

But I am through with you and I have given you my warning. The only advice I have to you is this, sit back and glance in the mirror at yourself. You don't even have your own roof over your head. I think it is for the best that you move your ass to Texas

Lordy Lordy

Wow I cannot believe that it has almost been a month since I have posted on here. Guess that's what happens when you don't have access to a computer at home or anywher but school anyways. I checked my myspace and my insight email and they are both blown up. not sure that I even want to to attempt to go through all 600 email from insight, probably spam anyways. But neoways, since I am off summer break from school , I will be on here more reguarly, although I don't even really know what I am making it a point to mention this when I don't have like a hundred readers. hell i am lucky to have like 10

A request

There is a website that I wish everyone could visit. I have not asked permission to list it but it is in my links and he can just get over it!!!! ;) but anyways this site is written and designed by a passionate writer and a great voice for the GLBT community. He writes from his soul and does so without a care as to what others think. He has asked for some stories and experiences from the GLBT community and I want to help get it out there. The site is www.morethangay.com and I just ask that you stop and take a look.

Like a gentle breeze

These are the moments that I wish could last forever. Just laying there in your arms and feeling your warmth. It soothes me like a gentle breeze. It is funny to think that a person can just feel love flowing from another person but it is possible.

I cherish these moments. But it saddens me to think that one day it may just end. We all have to face the inevitable. For now I guess I can just live in these moments and enjoy them while I can.

I love you, then now and forever.

Childish, maybe

It may seem childish or it may seem silly but I it was the only thing that I could think to do to make you understand part of what I felt. Actually I really didn't plan anything at all just fell asleep after being up all day but still I seemed to "forget" to set my alarm or turn my ringer back on. So sub-consciously maybe it wasn't so accidental. Hell I don't even know. All I know now is that I feel maybe you think it was or something cause I haven't been able to get you to respond to me or even talk since. Shall I start from the beginning?

See there was this day that Ashley and I was going to see you and spend some much needed time with you but it didn't happen. I know that i told you it was alright but it really it wasn't. The reason I was hurt. But who am I to tell you no? I mean If I had then I wouldn't have felt right when we would have came over cause the whole time I would felt like unwanted guests. I just think that it was wrong to set a "date" with us considering we haven't seen each other in a long time and then essentially blow it off. I mean I know that you didn't really blow it off per se but still just felt like it. It was like I/We weren't as important as this new person. Just the way I felt but did not tell you for the reason I explained before.

Now I know this doesn't justify anything and like I said my actions and thoughts were probably childish. But it has been bothering me ever since. Then I seen you the other day but I couldn't say anything when you past cause my attention had to be else where. Just really hope that you aren't thinking I am trying to blow you off.

I tried getting a hold of you this past week but nothing, nada. Well then I decided to make a trip on the Internet and see what currently has your passion. I read the last post and even though I am not 100% sure it was even about me, it got me thinking that i needed to explain current actions and offer some sort of apology.

An apology for letting parts of our friendship slip away even though it was never my intention. For acting childish when you had better things to do with your time than to pacify me. Apologize for acting with jealousy and part fear. I have been recently thinking that I have no clue what is going on in your life and haven't since I left so how could I possibly be involved now? So I am willing to admit that yes, I have dropped the ball. Maybe it is too late for me to start taking part responsibility for this but feel part now that I am.

I have always wanted to be a part of your life just now I am not sure that I am even wanted there.

So it would seem that Obama has won the Democratic ticket but he did not win the popular vote. I am kinda saddened that alot of Americans could not rise above voting for a woman. I really hope that Clinton runs on his ticket cause she has a lot to offer and it isn't over

The Cost of Living

Every where I turn it seems that the cost of something is going up. Currently gas prices are outrageous. It cost me 60 dollars to fill up my car! I only work at walmart and considering that I have to travel back and forth from fern valley rd and work everyday i am having to decide what I can go without just to get gas. Then they are talking on the news about TARC raising their fares. Well I guess we all knew that was coming since diesel cost more than gas but it is still cheaper than getting gas. Well I received a letter in the mail yesterday telling me that my tuition is going up to almost 400 dollars more a quarter, My current student loans barely cover my tuiton now and I can forget about it covering any other school related expenses.

Now since everything seems to be going up why can't we get a cost of living raise? Seriously! How can the government or businesses expected us to pay all these increases when we aren't getting an adjustment to our pay? I shouldn't have to choose between food or gas or school for that matter. It just feels like everyday we are struggling just to survive.

What is wrong with our country?

way to Go

Just thought I would say congrats to senator clinton on her win. She still has plenty of fight left regardless of what senator obama thinks. Looks like he didn't get to make his thank you speech for winning the majority like he thought. Looks like it isn't as easy as he thought it was going to be. Way to go hillary!

Another day, another rise in the gas price

Why is it that when I start to think that things are finally going in a positive way, I am hit with a fucking reality check?! I finally started thinking that I was getting financially stable and bam, back to being broke and unable to afford gas to even get to work to make money. It is ridiculous that $20 worth of gas only gets me to and from school and to and from work, maybe. I use to be able to almost fill my car up with that much. I didn't think that the gas prices would effect me that much but boy I was wrong. Is seems like every other day I am stopping to add another 20 just to get my needle above 1/4th tank. It is just plain stupid.

Before anyone starts saying that maybe I should start riding tarc or walking to and fro, maybe you should ask whether that is possible or not. Let's see from where I live I could walk down a busy, blind hill with no sidewalks to the bowling alley and Thornton's or even Burger King but really what good are these places to me.I cannot walk to the grocery store and then walk back with my groceries. It is not work or school. I have started riding the tarc to work sometimes but I cannot ride it from work during the week cause I have school in Louisville on fern valley. This bus ride takes too long and I would not make it to class until like an hour in so how in the hell am I suppose to get around using my car and paying the price for a gallon of gas?

I just think that we need to find a way to get these ridiculous prices back into a decent range. Why aren't we using our own oil or oil reserves? Does the government like paying over $120 a barrel for oil or having the US Citizens pay almost $4 a gallon? If this keeps up then maybe the should raise the cost of living and make it apply to everyone not just people who are just getting hired.

I have been on leave from work now for about 2 weeks and i have done absolutely nothing except go to school and occasionally visit the bowling alley with my team. I am going to go nuts!! I never thought I would actually mean it when I said I missed work but I do. There are things that are happening at work or better yet aren't happening at work that kills me to know that I can't do anything about. I am slowly losing my front end and the management isn't doing a damn thing to stop it. O well guess I will have to put the pieces back together when I get back, which is soon, I hope.

Well i did do something rather important besides sit there and watch American Idol or Hell's Kitchen (man I love Chef Ramsey!!!) I went out and voted in the indiana primary. I haven't seen such a turn-out for a primary in my entire voting career---which is not long. I just think it is important to vote in every race, not just the presidential ones. That is what our country is suppose to be built on, democracy. Plus if someone gets elected that i don't care for i have the right to bitch because I voted.

Well anyways I guess I am going to leave school now and go indulge in myself! yea me.

dreamers

I have started believing that you and i are dreamers. Hoping the world will one day open their minds and souls up to our dream. Because we see the world at what it could be if only we treated everyone the same. This our dream, were people can be who they are not what people want them to be.

An Issue

So as I was sitting in my Composition class going over my research paper, I realized something that is just pathetic. I am doing my paper on how DOMA and denying same-sex couples marriage is creating second class citizens. It really just amazes me that people are so stupid and petty. DOMA is based purely on religious beliefs but how can in enacted when we have separation of church and state? That is best left for another lecture!! Back to what I was saying about stupid people.

What is happening now to our gay and lesbian families is just about the same thing as when we were segregating people based on the color of their skin. I thought our country had moved past such stupidity??? Apparently not.
Who are we or even politicians to deny people the right to be happy and in a loving relationship? Because of these people we are denying benefits to American citizens who deserve to have them. This creates second class citizens.


Are we saying that an American citizen who loves who they love, is not as good as those who have a "normal" lifestyle? Are you really better than they are? Cause in my eyes you are below them. Believe me when I say that the GLBT community is not going to force you to take their lifestyle for your own contrary to what you believe so why try and force them to take yours? We are all suppose to be equal in the eyes of the law but yet we are not

I know this is a subject that is not going to be changed by one openly bisexual lady trying to change the minds of those who may stumble across my pages. But at least I am trying to aid in the fight for equality. Can you say the same for yourself?

Outrage

"This makes me sick, because apparently Walmart doesn't understand what bad P.R. is. Bad P.R. is screwing over one of your employees, just for money. To sum up the situation, a walmart employee was involved in a terrible car accident that left her mentally handicapped. She and her family were able to sue for $477,000 worth of damages which is meant to take care of her for the rest of her life. So they win the case and it looks like everything is going to be OK. But it turns out that walmarts health care plan's fine print says that if any money is received for damages, walmart has the right to take it. And you can bet your damned ass, they're taking the money. $477,000, they are making a huge deal over $477,000. A company that makes over $90 billion a year. And when they were asked for a comment, they said "while her situation is extremely sad, the only way to be fair to everyone else, is to take the money. And when I look at this situation, the first word I think of is not "Fair", oddly enough, it's "Fucked up". The situation is fucked up, so because of this issue, I'm saying fuck walmart.
I'm not going to go to walmart, super walmart, walmart. com, Sam's, or Lowe's. I'm never going to go into a walmart again, besides to visit my friends who happen to work at walmart, but you can bet your sweet as I won't ever buy from that store again, because walmart is fucked up. That's why I think everyone who reads this, shouldn't go to walmart either. I'm not saying "Don't go to walmart" that's ridiculous. All I'm saying is if you think it's a fucked up situation, don't shop at walmart anymore, because if they are going to go ahead and screw over the little guy, what needs to happen is all the little guys need to get together, and send out this story to all there little guy friends, so more people will hear about it, because this is fucking ridiculous. So to all the people who think that the little guy can still have a voice, I have a project for you, if you have a few extra mins, go to the link below and read the story about the women involved in this case, and everything that's happening to her. I want you to send that to as many people as possible. Send it to everyone in your address book, put it in myspace bulletins, facebook bulletins, I don't care, but get it out."



So this is a little something I seen on my myspace today and it has totally pissed me off!!! SO let me start by saying this, I am not agreeing with this in anyway, just posting it to show what I am bitching about!!!

Now on to the fun part. People are sooo fucking stupid! Why would you believe so strongly in something that you would turn against a former employer and bash them after only hearing one side of a story? Just because it was on CNN doesn't mean that it is 100% factual. This a perfect story for them to receive ratings ratings and more ratings! News people lie too ya know or actually bend the truth enough to get the response that they want.

just the other day at my place of work, Walmart, we were discussing this. At first we were just as pissed about it cause we had only read this one article but it wasn't until someone actually did some research, that we found the other part of the story. Since when does walmart own an insurance company? yea, the last time I checked it was never! The article says walmart's health insurance provider not just walmart. So for all of you that know how to read, this is referring to Blue Cross not walmart directly. Yes walmart has policies to follow, but as we found out it was blue cross that was actually pushing the issue.

Walmart was trying to fight the suit but still hand one hand tied behind our backs. so when this poor lady lost her money, it didn't go to walmart, but instead blue Cross.

i never fucking hear about all the good that your local neighborhood Walmart is doing for your community. Walmart donates millions a year to charities and the community that it serves. Plus we take on a task every year that gets us out into the community and giving back. No the only think that you hear about are the evil things that the Big Bad Walmart does.

I have seen first hand what walmart does to help their associates. From fund raising to associate in need funds. I have never worked for a company that cared so much for its employees. So Before you decided to bash someone or a company, maybe you should get ALL the facts. You are fucking with peoples' jobs and lives. You don't have to shop at my store, my company but make sure it is for the right reasons. Not just hearsay!n

Ahh!!! It is good to be back! I mean I say that like I have been gone for years but it really has only been a week.But I miss being about to write like I was getting in the habit into doing. Between being sick, having to go to school and trying to figure out how to make work tolerable again, I am just freaking exhausted! Plus I no longer have a working computer in my house so yea that sucks even more. But anyways I guess I will just make some posts while I am here.

So my old boss from day shift approached me today and asked me a question that I was not expecting. She asked me if I would come back to day shift when one of here full timers transfers. That really floored me cause I wasn't exactly the most loved on that shift. I am seriously considering it although there are more pros on thirds.

Why should I go back to a shift that considered me their work horse or flunky that would do everything that we are suppose to take care of, while they just stand in a group and gossip? I mean I seriously don't think that I should have to put up with the shit that I did when I worked with these people.

I am not sure if it was because I didn't care for grouping together and talking while ignoring the duties of my job or the fact that my decisions were always overrode. Considering that we are all the same level supervisor, they sure as hell changed decisions I made or stop any coachings that I planned on doing.

Besides dealing with the other asshole CSMs, I have to deal with office politics that are worse than the one on thirds. Considering that day shift management would rather holler and yell before finding out all the facts is enough to keep me a way.

but, I could start hanging out with my friends again and continue to just work and go to school. I don't know what I want to do. I mean I really think I want to stay where I am at cause even with the drama that happens, it is soooo much better that the other

Starting to second guess my decision to work on third shift. Yea some would say it is because of a certain manager and a few choice associates but they would be wrong. The reason really is because I miss my friends. Three in the morning and I am up but no one else that I know is so I just sit here, bored. Their lives continue on with out a word from them except for the only one that is on thirds with me. I want to be able to interact again and not feel out of the loop. I guess that is what it is.

Maybe this is just a phase that I will get out of maybe in isn't. I left first/second shift because of certain things that were happening on that shift so I do not wish to return to that shift. Maybe it is time for me to move on from Walmart. Well I dont think that is true cause I love working for that company. I don't know maybe I am just lonely and yearning for my old way of life

I have given up. Given up on everything except the one relationship that has stood the numerous tests that were thrown at it. It is costing me too much energy, stress and heartache to try and maintain things when I am the only one trying. It is one sided and a waste of my time. I have been here for all those that are in my life but when it seems that some only wish to interact with me when they need something.

I am not trying to play the "pity me" part cause that is not what I want. I just wanted genuine relationships with genuine people. Maybe I just need to invest in new people and new relationships.

So I guess I could say that I am going to try and start a new chapter in my life. Those that are meant to be in my life will be while the ones that shouldn't be will be weeded out.

Anytime

I can't remember why we fell apart
From something that was so meant to be
Forever was the promise in our hearts
Now more and more I wonder where you are


Do I ever cross your mind, anytime
Do you ever wake up reaching out for me
Do I ever cross your mind, anytime
I miss you

Still have your picture in a frame
Hear your footsteps down the hall
I swear I hear your voice, driving me insane
How I wish that you would call to say

Do I ever cross your mind, anytime
Do you ever wake up reaching out for me
Do I ever cross your mind, anytime
I miss you

I miss you
I miss you

No more, loneliness and heartache
No more, crying myself to sleep
No more, wondering about tomorrow
Won't you come back to me, come back to me

Do I ever cross your mind, anytime
Do you ever wake up reaching out for me
Do I ever cross your mind, anytime
I miss you

Do I ever cross your mind, anytime
Do you ever wake up reaching out for me
Do I ever cross your mind, anytime
I miss you

I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you