Childish, maybe

It may seem childish or it may seem silly but I it was the only thing that I could think to do to make you understand part of what I felt. Actually I really didn't plan anything at all just fell asleep after being up all day but still I seemed to "forget" to set my alarm or turn my ringer back on. So sub-consciously maybe it wasn't so accidental. Hell I don't even know. All I know now is that I feel maybe you think it was or something cause I haven't been able to get you to respond to me or even talk since. Shall I start from the beginning?

See there was this day that Ashley and I was going to see you and spend some much needed time with you but it didn't happen. I know that i told you it was alright but it really it wasn't. The reason I was hurt. But who am I to tell you no? I mean If I had then I wouldn't have felt right when we would have came over cause the whole time I would felt like unwanted guests. I just think that it was wrong to set a "date" with us considering we haven't seen each other in a long time and then essentially blow it off. I mean I know that you didn't really blow it off per se but still just felt like it. It was like I/We weren't as important as this new person. Just the way I felt but did not tell you for the reason I explained before.

Now I know this doesn't justify anything and like I said my actions and thoughts were probably childish. But it has been bothering me ever since. Then I seen you the other day but I couldn't say anything when you past cause my attention had to be else where. Just really hope that you aren't thinking I am trying to blow you off.

I tried getting a hold of you this past week but nothing, nada. Well then I decided to make a trip on the Internet and see what currently has your passion. I read the last post and even though I am not 100% sure it was even about me, it got me thinking that i needed to explain current actions and offer some sort of apology.

An apology for letting parts of our friendship slip away even though it was never my intention. For acting childish when you had better things to do with your time than to pacify me. Apologize for acting with jealousy and part fear. I have been recently thinking that I have no clue what is going on in your life and haven't since I left so how could I possibly be involved now? So I am willing to admit that yes, I have dropped the ball. Maybe it is too late for me to start taking part responsibility for this but feel part now that I am.

I have always wanted to be a part of your life just now I am not sure that I am even wanted there.