Falling

As I stand over the edge taking in the sight that is all around me, I feel a presence approach from behind
Before I have a chance to look there is a gentle push.
As I start to fall I reach out for some one's hand to grab, I start realizing that I am grasping at nothingness. No one is here to lend a hand.
I am falling.

Falling into the unknown and falling into a darkness so cold that I cannot think to bare it alone. Where are my loved ones or my friends to accompany and stop me from falling?

There are some that I have stopped from making this less than graceful flight, plummeting down into a darkened abyss. I am afraid that they may not be here or able to do the same for me.

Soon I shall embrace my fall and welcome it with open arms. Will those that are in my life still be there when I do?

I have come to a crossroad in my life and I am not sure how i want to go about pursuing it. Part of me wants to move away from all that I know and love and try a new experience and part is wanting to stay here. My family lives here and I cannot get past the part where I think my mother needs me here. But Ray keeps at this yearning to move and explore new interesting job he wants. I am not sure what I want to do. I can see the pros and the cons of each side. I really don't want to be responsible for making ray give up on a job that he wants but i also don't want to have to move because of it. HELP!!!

As the days go by I wonder if you still remember me? Do you think of me as often as I think of you? It has been almost two years since I have seen you but I remember every detail about you. Your smile, the warm and friendly aura that surrounded you how I miss being around you. I wish everyday that I could have another day with you but I know that it will not happen. For now all I can do is look at my mental picture of and continue to have talks with you that only I can hear. I miss you and hope you still think of me

yes, my computer is still down

so Yesterday I decided to try and get on my computer since the keyboard is finally fixed and what would you expect, I have been having nothing but problems. I ran my little anti~virus thiny just because it was time to and it informed me that I had some updates but needed to restart my computer. So I turned off my computer and waited a few minutes before turning it back on. And waited and waited, but it never came back on. Then I started to smell this burning plastic smell so I think my computer has bitten the dust which really sucks cause I have to do a 6 page paper by next week, yea I know I procrastinate tooo much. But anyways that was a little bit of rambling.

Memorial For Eric Hall

A Florida medical examiner today confirmed that a body found Sunday in a culvert in Charlotte County, Fla., is that of Eric Hall, a former Marine from Jeffersonville who was severely wounded in Iraq three years ago.

Hall had suffered a severe hip injury, a broken leg and nerve damage to his arm in a roadside bomb explosion in Fallujah. He also had been suffering from post traumatic stress disorder.

Hall, 24, was last seen on Feb. 3, when he left the house of a relative he had been visiting near Punta Gorda, Fla., saying it was surrounded. His motorcycle was found later on a road, on its side and still running.

A massive search in the area where the motorcycle had been found was unsuccessful until Sunday, when a volunteer who had been helping in the search noticed a strong odor coming from the culvert. A badly decomposed body was removed later that day about 50 yards into the culvert.

The Charlotte County Medical Examiner has identified the body as Hall’s using his military medical records.

Hall’s mother, Becky Hall of Jeffersonville who has been in Florida helping organize the search effort, has scheduled a news conference at noon today, and a military memorial service has been scheduled for noon tomorrow at the Faith Lutheran Church at 4005 Palm Dr. in Punta Gorda.

Eric Hall’s father, Kevin Hall of Jeffersonville, said 400 people—many of them military veterans—had said they would participate in the event.


There is to be a memorial for him tomorrow, Sunday, at 11 am at coots funeral home in Jeffersonville.

WEll I have not been on in here in a few days to post. Well I actually haven't been on my computer at all. There was something wrong with my keyboard so I couldn't exactly without it! (Actually it just needed batteries) But anyways on with the show!

Senseless Tragedy

So you all know that I have been posting updates about Eric Hall on here right? Well That has just gotten me thinking about how in the hell it came about that he was ever in a situation like this one. I mean it is a good chance that the body they found was Eric! I mean we weren't like the closest friends in school but he was still a classmate that I knew and interacted with. I mean it breaks my heart to have to think about what his family is going through. And heaven help me if I piss someone off, but all because he went to serve his country and the best they could do for him was throw him back into civilian life without any treatment. I mean he has been fighting tooth and nail to get the money he deserves so he can just live.

Eric had PTS and I really don't feel he was given the medical attention that he should have received for it. And not just Eric there are many more of our soldiers who are fighting and dying for our country, and there are veterans who have done the same that all have some sort of medical/mental condition that they are left with the rest of their lives. They have flashbacks, anxiety, I mean everything. So why is that the government they went to serve cannot do any justice to them when they come home, battered and broken? It is not like they do not have the money or resources to help these men, the heroes of our country.

Granted there are those who say that we do help by giving them prescriptions. Prescriptions that only sedate them and do not fix the problem. We cannot throw a pill at every issue that comes from doing a tour. It just seems like the cure all for the military and that aren't smart enough to realize it isn't working or they just won't open their eyes to see.

When are we going to make this stop? There is no reason that people like Eric and any other vet should have to come home and live like this. It is just a shame that we cannot take care of these people any better than this. I wish that Eric could have received the attention he needed instead of having a pill thrown at him. Then maybe I wouldn't have to attend his funeral because he was thrusted back into everyday life, courtesy of the the Military.

Ohio Valley Weather

So I started my vacation on Thursday and this is a list of what I have done;
played guitar hero III
Watched tv
Played some more Guitar Hero
Went about half a mile to eat some where
Came home
Played more guitar hero and a little Virtual Fighter
Slept
slept
and slept some more.
went to my in-laws for about 6 "wonderful" hours
guitar hero
slept

Now that is really really borin! It is now monday and I did not go to school, have not really done anything on my vacation and only have 2 days left. What a waste of a vacation. yes my husband and i did have plans to go somewhere but thanks to living in the Ohio Valley, they were cancelled. So I guess that I am done whining about it. Just going to have to make the most out of my last few days before I return to the monotomy of work.

update On Erc Hall

So there is an article that states there have been some remains found in a drainage pipe in the woods that they were looking for Eric in. They are not a hundred percent positive if it is him but they are thinking the remains indeed blong to Eric. So as soon as there is word about it I will post it.

I, along with many others, are praying that this is not him.

here is the address if anyone is interested in reading the article
http://www.sun-herald.com/breakingnews.cfm?id=4980

times of leisure

I cannot wait for my vacation to start! I just feel that I am being runned down to the max. I have grown to the point where I am just done with everything and feel like if I don't get a break soon I may just snap and say fuck it.

But the is what is great about vacations. This is my time of leisure where I can do whatever I want, well almost if it wasn't for school. This time also gives me a chance to hang out with those that I haven't been able to because of my full schedule. I know if I were as close them as I say I am or if I valued their friendship I would make the time right?! Well as much as I would like to agree with you, it would be wrong. Between working an undesirable shift, going to school after that shift and playing in my league I rarely have time for my husband let alone anyone else. So I look forward to my break from work just so I can relax

Plus it is probably in everyone's best interest, whether it be the associates that I manage or those in my life, that I get this chance to relax cause I ain't the best to be around when I am stressed. I know my faults and it is no one else's fault but my own but yet I still cannot control how it affects those that aren't to blame.

To my unknown visitors

I know that I gat hits from people that are unknown to me, it tells me so on my map! ;) but I really want to know is who you are. This is especially true if you make it a habit to visit my page more than once. There has to be a reason that you keep coming back here, what is it? I like to people a face or even just a name to those who visit here especially if you are from my hometown cause I may just know you. Plus it like getting to know different people. So I ask, if you are up to it, when you drop by leave a comment or something. I mean you don't have to but if you ever have the urge to tell me who you are then feel free to do it.

Fair Warning

I am really growing tired of having to hold my tongue when you think it is OK to lash out at me and talk to me the way you do in front of others. You have a title that should let you know that you have to handle things in a professional way but no instead you insist on acting like a little two year old throwing a tantrum. I know that I do not run in your circle but still I deserve and demand respect, if not because you don't like me at least because of my title and position just like I respect you because of yours.

I am tired of being on your shit list. No matter how many things i do to help you out or how i bend over backwards to make sure that everything else you have to cover is done right, you just seem to want to find one, little thing and just running your damn mouth. Maybe you think that because I won't answer you it means that I am cowering. Well in all actuality I have decided not to lower myself to your level and return with a smart ass rebuttal. Maybe you are not used to this and seem to think that you can get rid of me by just being nasty as all get out. Well the only thing you are exceeding at is making yourself look an ass.

I will also issue a warning to you since you don't seem smart enough to know what I am actually doing. I don't care who you are or what your title is, you don't intimidate me. Words strike me as your only weapon and frankly it is growing a little old. If there is something that you need to address with me then you need to pull me a side and do so. Don't attack me when you are out of earshot or view. Just makes you look like a coward anyways. So what is it that you are afraid of? That you might be confronted and corrected or that I can see through the front you are putting on and see that you only say and do what you do because you know you have nothing on me. Every time you have question something that I have done, I have had a response that justified it. Face it you are looking for a reason to get rid of me but you won't find it. I am just going to remain a thorn your side.

As far as my warning goes. I am only going to hold my tongue so long. When I tell you the next time we meet, that I want you to act the way you should and treat me the way I should be treated, you better listen. After that I will no longer take the high road to say. I will take matters into my own hands and this will be addressed and taken care of.

I am through with this shit and you just created an enemy that you do not want!

I carry your heart with me

by EE CUMMINGS


i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

It is deep inside you, waiting to be released

"Hindsight is 20/20"

Who am I to tell you what you should do or offer advice? I do not know every single detail about your situation. You've made choices and now you might be regretting some of them. As your friend, I can only offer advice based on what I know and also help you realize some truths about yourself that you may not see. You are strong my friend. You may not see it but your are. Your strength is buried and just waiting for you to release it.

The things you said the other night took strength and effort. It was a side that I had not seen of you before. This is why I know the strength to do what you want is there. You are the only one that knows what you want out of your life so you are the only one that can make it happen. Change is scary I know but you can handle it.

Let go of your demons from the past and allow yourself to enjoy your life. There is a strength inside you that can help you. Why can't you see it?! I cannot honestly believe that you want all this chaos in your life.

In the end it is only you that can make the decision to make your life the way you want it. Yes, some may get hurt and there will be times that you questions losing some in your life but in the end those that stay should be there. I am sure that you already know some that you need to evict from you life. You just have to stop playing nice and tell the truth.

You can make it, I know you can. I have faith in you and your decisions. I am here with a shoulder when you need it. Just release your inner strength, it is time.

Changes

So I decided to change things up a little bit. For the most part I think I did ok although I am having a little trouble with one thing. But I guess I will figure it out. So yea there will probably be a few more things change later once my computer stops actng stupid.

UPDATE UPDATE!!!

As much as I may get annoyed with the some what constant reminder to update,I am glad that it is done. It lets me know that out of some part of your day you stopped by my page to read (or not read if I haven't updated)things that I have scribbled on here. Thank you

Forgotten Memories

As I sit alone with my thoughts I start to think about you. All of the memories that we share and all the good times that we had. An uneasiness starts to settle over my heart when I think of these things. The time that separates each moment of recollecting these times is growing longer and longer. Constantly I worry that you will only become a forgotten memory.

It's hard without you here. Not being able to see you whenever I want or to take the time to make new memories. In the end I should have spent more time with you, maybe I could have helped add a few more pleasant years to your life. But now I feel that I have disappointed you. The constant worry and the guilt for not thinking about you everyday is starting to eat away at my very being. I am not sure that I am stronger enough to handle this.

You should never become a forgotten memory. You meant so much to me and still do. I have settled back into my old ways and do not visit you as often as I should. The reasons are the same as before; I cannot handle what I will see. I miss you. I need you.

I may not believe in heaven in the conventional since but I do believe that there has to be something after death. If not for my belief of this I would go crazy worrying about my own death. I know that you are there, pain free, I just try to hold on to the chance that I may see you again, like you were before sickness started to overcome you.

Depression is starting to become my friend. When you left, reality came crashing down all around me. I realized that I cannot escape the inevitable. Yet I still have not learn to start living my life to the fullest. I am stuck, depressed, weighed down.

I still care for you. I still love you. Every time I hear "Believe" emotions that I thought I had came to terms with, start stirring again. I guess in a way you have not turned into a forgotten memory. Most of all I miss you...

Missing Marine, Eric Hall

I am using my blog as a way to get information across to anyone that may casually glance at my pages. I hope out of all of my post this is the one that does the most good. this is information about a former classmate, Eric Hall. He is a former Marine who has been missing since the beginning of the month and the search is now nationwide. The following is an article that has updated information about what they have learned so far. I ask that you spread the word some how even if you just copy and paste this some where. Every bit of help is appreciated!!!!


Search for missing Marine now nationwide
(Last updated: February 14, 2008 5:31 PM)

By GREG MARTIN
Staff Writer

A search team's bloodhound working to track a disabled former Marine who disappeared while suffering a “flashback” from his aunt's Deep Creek home 12 days ago led his handler to an area where tractor-trailer trucks park behind a Port Charlotte gas station Wednesday night.

That suggests the missing man, Eric W. Hall, 24, could have caught a ride with a trucker and departed the area, theorized Mike Bodah, executive director for the Southwest Florida K-9 Search Unit.

However, Bodah emphasized that the dogs can't tell him what happened to Hall. The handlers can only try to interpret the way the dogs are acting, he explained.

“The dogs can see things we can't,” he said.

So, he said the team has advised the Hall family it would be prudent to continue local search operations until Eric's location is confirmed. The team also offered to return to conduct more tracking, if another area of interest is identified, Bodah said.

Meanwhile, the missing man's family and others are taking steps to expand the search to both more local areas and nationwide, according to Becky Hall, Eric's mother.

“We just want him to let us know he's okay and he's not hurt,” said his mother. “That's the big thing.”

Sheriff's deputies and volunteers, many of them combat veterans who empathize with Hall, have been trying to locate him since Feb. 3, when he left his aunt's house on his motorcycle.

The motorcycle and his helmet were found in a wooded area off Sulstone Drive a short while later. But, Hall hasn't been seen since.

After serving in both Afghanistan and Iraq, Hall was medically retired from the Marines after getting seriously injured by a roadside bomb in Fallujah in June 2005.

His mental state had deteriorated recently, according to a Charlotte County Sheriff's report. He had been acting like he was shooting an invisible gun at people who were not in the house, and stated that people were “coming to get him,” the family told deputies.

Earlier Wednesday, the K-9 team tracked Hall in a circle around the area where his motorcycle was abandoned. The team also put the dogs on a trail in a wooded area behind the Visani comedy club.

From there, the dogs led the team north on the sidewalk along Kings Highway to a commercial area at Peachland Boulevard.

After one of the dogs, a bloodhound named “George,” tracked Hall's scent to a truck parking area behind the Shell Station, the team put two other dogs, a bloodhound named “Clark” and a yellow lab named “Hutch,” on the trail consecutively, and they seemed to confirm the results.

All three dogs first cut through a Burger King restaurant's parking lot, then circled around the gas station, then around the Waffle House restaurant.

All three then ended up stopping between two semi trucks behind the gas station, said Bodah. The trucks had their engines idling as if that was a place they could park to rest, he said.

“So, what we can say is that the track ends there at this point in time,” he said. “Does that mean that he got into a semi truck? I can't answer that question. But we have advised the family it would perhaps be wise to put flyers out at truck stops.”

The searches have helped rule out some possibilities, Becky Hall indicated.

“There's one thing we can say, we found no evidence that he's out there (in the woods) roaming around,” she said.

Volunteers are now putting up flyers about Eric's disappearance along U.S. 41, she said.

Also, the family is exploring whether an alert for truckers to be on the lookout for Eric could be broadcast on “trucker radio,” Becky Hall said.

The family has also listed Eric as missing with the Cue Center for Missing Persons, a national organization, she said.

Some of the efforts are coming unsolicited.

Ronald A. Salvi of North Port said he contacted his daughter, a media chief for the U.S. Marines at the Pentagon, after reading stories about the search for Hall.

“The Marines now have a nationwide lookout and alert for him,” Salvi said, in an e-mail to the Sun.

An attempt to contact his daughter, Sgt. Christina C. Delai, for comment was unsuccessful.

Thomas “Cajun” McCarthy, a local advocate for homeless people who has volunteered to help search, suggested the family also contact major truck stops because they have a system to advertise information to truckers nationwide.

In fact, the company Transcore provides such digital display advertising at 1,200 truck stops nationwide at a cost of $500 for two weeks. Typically, the system is used to notify truckers where they could find loads to haul, but it is also used to locate missing trucks, and sometimes, people, said Melissa Tooley, company spokeswoman.

The Southwest Florida K-9 team has assisted area police agencies in numerous searches, including one about a year ago for an ill man who walked away from a Fort Myers nursing home. The dogs led their handlers to a bus stop, Bodah said.

The team notified Fort Myers Police who checked with the bus driver, who said he dropped the man off at a Walmart store. The police then went to the store.

“They found him lying on a bench in diabetic shock,” Bodah said.

“We have tremendous confidence in our dogs,” he said. “That being said, dogs are sometimes like people; on any particular day, you just don't know, depending on the weather, the wind, whether they're going to be able to pick up the scent.”

The team, which has traveled as far as Indiana to conduct searches, works on on a volunteer basis. Bodah earns his living as a certified public accountant.

“We love to be with our dogs and that's certainly a part of it,” he said. “But in the end, it's really and truly about trying to unite people with their families.

“I can't tell you the satisfaction involved even when you find a body,” he added. “People want their loved ones home.”

People with information about Eric Hall's location can call Becky Hall at (502)500-7732 or the Sheriff's Office at (941)639-0013