Forgotten Memories

As I sit alone with my thoughts I start to think about you. All of the memories that we share and all the good times that we had. An uneasiness starts to settle over my heart when I think of these things. The time that separates each moment of recollecting these times is growing longer and longer. Constantly I worry that you will only become a forgotten memory.

It's hard without you here. Not being able to see you whenever I want or to take the time to make new memories. In the end I should have spent more time with you, maybe I could have helped add a few more pleasant years to your life. But now I feel that I have disappointed you. The constant worry and the guilt for not thinking about you everyday is starting to eat away at my very being. I am not sure that I am stronger enough to handle this.

You should never become a forgotten memory. You meant so much to me and still do. I have settled back into my old ways and do not visit you as often as I should. The reasons are the same as before; I cannot handle what I will see. I miss you. I need you.

I may not believe in heaven in the conventional since but I do believe that there has to be something after death. If not for my belief of this I would go crazy worrying about my own death. I know that you are there, pain free, I just try to hold on to the chance that I may see you again, like you were before sickness started to overcome you.

Depression is starting to become my friend. When you left, reality came crashing down all around me. I realized that I cannot escape the inevitable. Yet I still have not learn to start living my life to the fullest. I am stuck, depressed, weighed down.

I still care for you. I still love you. Every time I hear "Believe" emotions that I thought I had came to terms with, start stirring again. I guess in a way you have not turned into a forgotten memory. Most of all I miss you...