I carry your heart with me

by EE CUMMINGS


i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

It is deep inside you, waiting to be released

"Hindsight is 20/20"

Who am I to tell you what you should do or offer advice? I do not know every single detail about your situation. You've made choices and now you might be regretting some of them. As your friend, I can only offer advice based on what I know and also help you realize some truths about yourself that you may not see. You are strong my friend. You may not see it but your are. Your strength is buried and just waiting for you to release it.

The things you said the other night took strength and effort. It was a side that I had not seen of you before. This is why I know the strength to do what you want is there. You are the only one that knows what you want out of your life so you are the only one that can make it happen. Change is scary I know but you can handle it.

Let go of your demons from the past and allow yourself to enjoy your life. There is a strength inside you that can help you. Why can't you see it?! I cannot honestly believe that you want all this chaos in your life.

In the end it is only you that can make the decision to make your life the way you want it. Yes, some may get hurt and there will be times that you questions losing some in your life but in the end those that stay should be there. I am sure that you already know some that you need to evict from you life. You just have to stop playing nice and tell the truth.

You can make it, I know you can. I have faith in you and your decisions. I am here with a shoulder when you need it. Just release your inner strength, it is time.

Changes

So I decided to change things up a little bit. For the most part I think I did ok although I am having a little trouble with one thing. But I guess I will figure it out. So yea there will probably be a few more things change later once my computer stops actng stupid.

UPDATE UPDATE!!!

As much as I may get annoyed with the some what constant reminder to update,I am glad that it is done. It lets me know that out of some part of your day you stopped by my page to read (or not read if I haven't updated)things that I have scribbled on here. Thank you

Forgotten Memories

As I sit alone with my thoughts I start to think about you. All of the memories that we share and all the good times that we had. An uneasiness starts to settle over my heart when I think of these things. The time that separates each moment of recollecting these times is growing longer and longer. Constantly I worry that you will only become a forgotten memory.

It's hard without you here. Not being able to see you whenever I want or to take the time to make new memories. In the end I should have spent more time with you, maybe I could have helped add a few more pleasant years to your life. But now I feel that I have disappointed you. The constant worry and the guilt for not thinking about you everyday is starting to eat away at my very being. I am not sure that I am stronger enough to handle this.

You should never become a forgotten memory. You meant so much to me and still do. I have settled back into my old ways and do not visit you as often as I should. The reasons are the same as before; I cannot handle what I will see. I miss you. I need you.

I may not believe in heaven in the conventional since but I do believe that there has to be something after death. If not for my belief of this I would go crazy worrying about my own death. I know that you are there, pain free, I just try to hold on to the chance that I may see you again, like you were before sickness started to overcome you.

Depression is starting to become my friend. When you left, reality came crashing down all around me. I realized that I cannot escape the inevitable. Yet I still have not learn to start living my life to the fullest. I am stuck, depressed, weighed down.

I still care for you. I still love you. Every time I hear "Believe" emotions that I thought I had came to terms with, start stirring again. I guess in a way you have not turned into a forgotten memory. Most of all I miss you...

Missing Marine, Eric Hall

I am using my blog as a way to get information across to anyone that may casually glance at my pages. I hope out of all of my post this is the one that does the most good. this is information about a former classmate, Eric Hall. He is a former Marine who has been missing since the beginning of the month and the search is now nationwide. The following is an article that has updated information about what they have learned so far. I ask that you spread the word some how even if you just copy and paste this some where. Every bit of help is appreciated!!!!


Search for missing Marine now nationwide
(Last updated: February 14, 2008 5:31 PM)

By GREG MARTIN
Staff Writer

A search team's bloodhound working to track a disabled former Marine who disappeared while suffering a “flashback” from his aunt's Deep Creek home 12 days ago led his handler to an area where tractor-trailer trucks park behind a Port Charlotte gas station Wednesday night.

That suggests the missing man, Eric W. Hall, 24, could have caught a ride with a trucker and departed the area, theorized Mike Bodah, executive director for the Southwest Florida K-9 Search Unit.

However, Bodah emphasized that the dogs can't tell him what happened to Hall. The handlers can only try to interpret the way the dogs are acting, he explained.

“The dogs can see things we can't,” he said.

So, he said the team has advised the Hall family it would be prudent to continue local search operations until Eric's location is confirmed. The team also offered to return to conduct more tracking, if another area of interest is identified, Bodah said.

Meanwhile, the missing man's family and others are taking steps to expand the search to both more local areas and nationwide, according to Becky Hall, Eric's mother.

“We just want him to let us know he's okay and he's not hurt,” said his mother. “That's the big thing.”

Sheriff's deputies and volunteers, many of them combat veterans who empathize with Hall, have been trying to locate him since Feb. 3, when he left his aunt's house on his motorcycle.

The motorcycle and his helmet were found in a wooded area off Sulstone Drive a short while later. But, Hall hasn't been seen since.

After serving in both Afghanistan and Iraq, Hall was medically retired from the Marines after getting seriously injured by a roadside bomb in Fallujah in June 2005.

His mental state had deteriorated recently, according to a Charlotte County Sheriff's report. He had been acting like he was shooting an invisible gun at people who were not in the house, and stated that people were “coming to get him,” the family told deputies.

Earlier Wednesday, the K-9 team tracked Hall in a circle around the area where his motorcycle was abandoned. The team also put the dogs on a trail in a wooded area behind the Visani comedy club.

From there, the dogs led the team north on the sidewalk along Kings Highway to a commercial area at Peachland Boulevard.

After one of the dogs, a bloodhound named “George,” tracked Hall's scent to a truck parking area behind the Shell Station, the team put two other dogs, a bloodhound named “Clark” and a yellow lab named “Hutch,” on the trail consecutively, and they seemed to confirm the results.

All three dogs first cut through a Burger King restaurant's parking lot, then circled around the gas station, then around the Waffle House restaurant.

All three then ended up stopping between two semi trucks behind the gas station, said Bodah. The trucks had their engines idling as if that was a place they could park to rest, he said.

“So, what we can say is that the track ends there at this point in time,” he said. “Does that mean that he got into a semi truck? I can't answer that question. But we have advised the family it would perhaps be wise to put flyers out at truck stops.”

The searches have helped rule out some possibilities, Becky Hall indicated.

“There's one thing we can say, we found no evidence that he's out there (in the woods) roaming around,” she said.

Volunteers are now putting up flyers about Eric's disappearance along U.S. 41, she said.

Also, the family is exploring whether an alert for truckers to be on the lookout for Eric could be broadcast on “trucker radio,” Becky Hall said.

The family has also listed Eric as missing with the Cue Center for Missing Persons, a national organization, she said.

Some of the efforts are coming unsolicited.

Ronald A. Salvi of North Port said he contacted his daughter, a media chief for the U.S. Marines at the Pentagon, after reading stories about the search for Hall.

“The Marines now have a nationwide lookout and alert for him,” Salvi said, in an e-mail to the Sun.

An attempt to contact his daughter, Sgt. Christina C. Delai, for comment was unsuccessful.

Thomas “Cajun” McCarthy, a local advocate for homeless people who has volunteered to help search, suggested the family also contact major truck stops because they have a system to advertise information to truckers nationwide.

In fact, the company Transcore provides such digital display advertising at 1,200 truck stops nationwide at a cost of $500 for two weeks. Typically, the system is used to notify truckers where they could find loads to haul, but it is also used to locate missing trucks, and sometimes, people, said Melissa Tooley, company spokeswoman.

The Southwest Florida K-9 team has assisted area police agencies in numerous searches, including one about a year ago for an ill man who walked away from a Fort Myers nursing home. The dogs led their handlers to a bus stop, Bodah said.

The team notified Fort Myers Police who checked with the bus driver, who said he dropped the man off at a Walmart store. The police then went to the store.

“They found him lying on a bench in diabetic shock,” Bodah said.

“We have tremendous confidence in our dogs,” he said. “That being said, dogs are sometimes like people; on any particular day, you just don't know, depending on the weather, the wind, whether they're going to be able to pick up the scent.”

The team, which has traveled as far as Indiana to conduct searches, works on on a volunteer basis. Bodah earns his living as a certified public accountant.

“We love to be with our dogs and that's certainly a part of it,” he said. “But in the end, it's really and truly about trying to unite people with their families.

“I can't tell you the satisfaction involved even when you find a body,” he added. “People want their loved ones home.”

People with information about Eric Hall's location can call Becky Hall at (502)500-7732 or the Sheriff's Office at (941)639-0013

Irritation

what is to you that I decided to do my hair or wear make-up? I mean why am I constantly asked "why did you doll yourself up today for?" or "who are you trying to impress?" or " Your make-up looks good" Do I have to have a reason for wanting to possess a little femine qualities once in a while? These are the reasons that I don't "doll" myself up on the regular basis. Yes I understand that these are forms of compliments but come on now do I really need to justify why I chose these actions? I have never been that into wearing make-up or doing my hair all pretty like everyday, it is just not me. My favorite "compliment" would have to be "you look nice/good today" What do I look like any other day? Wait, don't answer that cause I really don't care. I don't do these things for attention or to please others. I do this cause I feel like it at the moment. But the comments are enough to make me not want to do it. I am getting tired of having to have a reason to do these things and getting tired of people expecting an explanation. how bout next time you just don't say anything at all...

Cowinky-dink

So yesterday I am just sitting at home doing what I am doing right now (playing on the computer) when the doorbell rings. Hmm... I wondered cause no one ever comes over to my place to visit. Well I looked out of the peep-hole to see who it was. The person looked familiar and it took me a minute to realize why. This guy at my door was my old friend from middle school and high school, kellen. I have no clue how he got my address but there he was. So I opened the door and said hello. He started talking, something about loud noise last night and apologizing. ( ray was complaining about a party going on downstairs from the new neighbor's apartment) then he stopped and just looked at me. Finally it dawned on him that he knew me and he just went nuts. long story short apparently he is my new neighbor and we didn't even know it