The Pain

Why does it still hurt when I think of you?
Why cannot I not come to terms with the pain and feelings of emptiness?
Why is that when I think of the memories of you all I want to do is die?

It shouldn't hurt this bad still, its been almost two years.

Why can't I get over missing you? I pray everyday for the chance to see you again.
Why is it that since you left I have not been able to quit thinking about death?
I am afraid of death now and it is affecting my life.
I wish that you were still here, I need you.

Did it hurt? Did you know? IS that why you asked me to go to Georgia? Could you hear me when I got back? Most of all did you know that loved you and still do? Did you hear me when I told you so?

All these are things I want, need to know. It kills me to think that you didn't hear me when I told you I loved you that one last time. Every day it tears me up and I don't know what to do about it.

Maybe I should have visited you more often. Should have moved in and took care of you. You deserved so much better than what you had in the end. I feel guilt, depressed, sadness, and empty. I cannot even face death. I wasn't ever this bad when it came to thoughts of death but now it all but occupies my entire mind. Many nights I have cried because death has been made real to me and I don't want to face it.

I need you. I need to play rummy again. I need to be limited to the porch or the yard again. I need to spend the nights again. I need you to talk to. Most of all I just need you back in my life, to know that I do truly love you.