Christmas Time

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So my Christmas rush is finally over (all that is left now is the returns). I cannot believe how quick the time flew by. It feels like it was just August a couple of weeks ago. This has caused me to decide to change some things in 2008. I want to make sure that I live each day to the fullest and waste a single waking minute. If anything 2007 has made realize how fast time does fly and I can never have any of it back. Anyways back to Christmas being over.

So last night was the last night (I hope) that I will have to deal with the crazy ass lines that I had to deal with. Four days in a row like that about killed me but I managed to survive. I know that my cashiers are even more grateful. Most of my team has never experienced a Christmas season working at a big box retailer before. I am glad they did and also proud that they did the work they did. Never once had to hear anyone bitch, they all understood it had to be done and there wasn't anything we could do about it. Plus they really didn't let it get to them, well maybe a little but they shrugged it off. At least now they know what to expect next year and can be prepared. The ones that did make it through the rush are the ones that I know will be here next year, unless something happens. But anyways I am thankful for them cause without them my job would have been even more stressful.

I also want to take the time to wish everyone a Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays if you don't celebrate Christmas. There are those that aren't religious or are religious but don't believe in Christmas. I myself do not believe in organized religion but I believe it Christmas and what it also stands for (besides the Christian meaning). Christmas is about love, family, and just being kind and giving. This is the one holiday where you celebrate all of this regardless if you buy anything or not. I too believe that Christmas, to some, has become too much about the gifts and less about the meaning(s). This is a time to celebrate family and friends and to give to others without expecting anything in return. It is about doing something helpful and courteous for your fellow man. So even though I may not believe in the Christmas and its meaning that is portrayed in church, I still believe in the other things that Christmas represents.

So as a gift to me in a way, I ask that you take some time out of your day some time this week and bestow an act of kindness on someone that you don't know. Whether it be something as small as opening a door to donation. Just do something kind to someone who is in need of kindness.

I want to wish all a Merry Christmas and may you have a safe holiday spent with those that you love.~~~~Erica

To the ones I care about

Thank you for being in my life. For dealing with me when I am less than pleasant and dealing with the drama that sometimes comes with me. With out you I would be a hopeless mess of depression and would just be plain lost. Even those that I don't see frequently, I am still thankful that you are in my life when you are. There is a reason that everyone of you come into my life when you do and sometimes it takes me a moment to realize why. I sometimes take you for grant or just act plain selfish but no matter what your happiness means the world to me. I want to continue to be the one you can come to for support even when it seems to you that you are just bothering me. I also want to tell you to never thing that you are bothering me. If I thought that you were bothering me I would tell you some way or another. I know that I haven't always be the best friend that I could be and I continue to work on that. Just be patient when it comes to somethings cause in the end I will come around. Most of all I just want to say thank you.

Can't wait

I haven't been able to give the amount of time and attention that I have wanted to to my blog here recently. Between the constant business at work with the Christmas drawing to a close and school I have barely had time to enjoy any type of relaxation. I simply cannot wait until December 26 when Christmas has past. I know that I still have to get through about two weeks of returns but I will take that any day compared to the constant rush at work and not being able to complete everything that I need to get done at night. I am constantly stressed while I am at work and when I come home. I am shocked that it didn't effect my school work ( I got the highest grade in my last class) but it is effecting me every where else. Maybe I used school as my time to relax. I don't know. All I know is that when the storm finally calms down I will be a happier person. What I really don't understand about the Christmas season is why people wait till the last minute to buy every single gift that they have to. It isn't like Christmas sneaks up on us every year. We all know that it is December 25 so why the procrastination? I mean i know that it will always be this way but it freaking kills me when I see the swarm of people at work that I see every year. Another thing that gets me is when people start gripping about having to wait in line at work. Once again this is nothing new when it comes down to the final hours before Christmas. I thought Christmas was suppose to be a joyous time of year full of celebration and kindness. Well you can't tell that with the way some of these people act. I have never been treated so much like shit as I am during Christmas. It seems that people just turn asshole mode after Thanksgiving. But I am use to it for the most part cause that is what my job entails. But still doesn't mean that I can't wait for it to be over

Flaws

Everyone has flaws or something that they don't like about themselves. No one has the right to belittle or degrade some especially when they are no different than those they are degrading. What happened to having some respect for people? I am so tired of people making me feel worthless, disgusting, just plain hurt because they want to point out my obvious flaws. Like I don't know that I am overweight, have psoriasis, and unwilling to stand up for myself forsake of confrontation or being disrespectful to them. I don't even know why I worry about disrespectful to those that like to poke fun at me when it is obvious that they have no respect for me. It may seem that when I hear about fellow associates talking about me and getting off my "fat ass" to do some work for a change doesn't bother me but truly it does I just choose to not show it. I have been made fun of all my life because of one thing or another especially because I don't fit into the norm of body styles so I just act like I no longer feel the pain. Well the pain is still there and when I am alone I will break down. But more importantly the reason that I am as upset as I am now is because this was said at work in front of my coworkers because I asked an associate to do their job. Granted I was not in the room and I know that when this person sees me again they will act like they never said anything but I cannot stand a two-faced person. IF you are going to say something about then have the fucking balls to say it to my face. Then when I got to use open door I am told to not worry about by one manager and the other told me to say something to their assistant manager. Well their assistant manager is as about worthless as a holey umbrella. So here I am stuck with letting these people get away with the degrading and belittling of myself with nothing to do about it. I am just tired of people doing this to me but there is nothing I can really do except cry.

ANyways

Back to cheerful things and nothing to do with blog wars.





I casually glance in your direction just in time to see you smile.
How it warms my heart and brightens my day
Every time I look into your caring brown eyes I ask myself how and why.
Why are things the way they are and how, well how is for me to know
I make sure to stop myself from taken our time together for granted
But I know I am guilty sometime or another.

I love being around you and cannot stand it when you leave.
From the moment that you have left my side, I just relive our last moments together.
Hoping that I will never have to see you only in memory.

HURT

It appears that another of my post have created controversy and words to be said that we unkind to say the least. To call yourself my friend and then not understand what I write about or why I write is a sort of contradiction. I never personally attacked you( and you know who you are). but you took it that way. Wait, why am I writing anything to you when you aren't even probably going to read this anymore? Anyways
Like I was saying. When I write what I write I am not trying to offend or hurt anyone especially those that I thought were close to me. I also use discretion when addressing certain matters because somethings shouldn't be addressed over a blog but maybe more in an email or in person. I should understand, I guess, that others will not have the same discretion that I have but it still pisses me off.
Back to being hurt, which guess implies that I am back to being a "victim". If this is what you want to say I am doing then fine. There is nothing that I can do to change your fucking mind. For those of you that do not know what the hell I am talking about then let me explain my side and the reason I am a so called "victim".
Because I choose to write and vent on here some of my writing seems to give off the impression to certain parties that I am just trying to play the victim. Well I am not and have better things to do with my time. Well that is not a very good explanation but the best i can give under these circumstances.
Why am I hurt? Hm..... well lets see. To hear, rather read, the words that I read with the tone that they portrayed from someone that I thought was my friend just totally took me for a loop. I don't think I have ever been so stunned in my entire life. To see that the one I used to talk to about everything and vice versa just unleash what appears to be built up something, just crushed me and brought me to the point of tears. Now I am stuck with the possibility that the one I thought was the real them was just a front. A lying front masquerading around as the true authentic them. I know that they had walls and barriers the have up for protection but i Thought i was passed a few of them and seen a glimpse of the real them. Well i was wrong
Here i thought that i would have a person i could confide in and be a friend like I knew he could be. Wait yea i should have known better. But there is nothing left for me to do but just try to pick up the pieces... (Yea I know, back to playing my role of victim)

Trapped

Kinda of ridiculous that I am trapped within four white little walls. I cannot venture out of my room for fear of rising that heinous....well anyways that would have been rude of me to say. If there was anyway that could have been out of here yesterday, believe me i would have. Heaven forbid that we venture out of our room into a living area to use the phone for 30 minutes. Yes, I heard that bitching from her yesterday while I was trying to sleep. Ain't that something, hypocrites that is. Except the only difference is that my door was actually closed. I am so tired of feeling trapped that i am tempted to go and stay in my car til payday and then rent a fucking hotel room for two weeks. All because some woman who won't even grow up thinks that she runs this damn house and we should stay in our room like caged animals. Well we are not caged animals and had it not been for the respect that i have for my friend, I would have came out of my room and asked her what her fucking problem is. This is it! I have had the last straw and the fact that it is allowed to continue,wow anyways. I am not even sure that when i do get to move from this hell hole that I will ever come back/

Birthday

So my birthday has come and gone. I really don't have anything to show for it except my card from ray, the necklace he made me and the time he spent with me(well i can't actually show that) Anyways, as i sit here and think back on this I notice one common denominator; Ray. He was here with me all weekend and spent my birthday with me. He went out of his way to make sure that I had a great one even if he didn't have the money to get me what he wanted. What he will never know or understand is that I am so grateful for it and what he did was the best thing I have ever received. I have come to expect that no one except him and my family will acknowledge the day that I was born so I never get my hopes up. Ray has never let me down either. I don't want gifts or materialistic things, just to spend time with those who are important to me on my birthday. Also this birthday I realized that the ones who had time to stop and say even just hello and happy b-day are the ones I need in my life. I am obviously important enough to them to remember my birthday. I know this probably sounds silly and childish but no one can possibly understand how much it means to me when those that are in my life simply say "happy Birthday" even still that doesn't make much sense but that is the best I can explain it. So once again thank you Ray for the best weekend of my life, including Monday night!!!