Changes

It seems that things are changing. Not just for Ray and I but as well as those in our lives. There are things in motion that cannot be stopped and even if they could it would be a grave mistake to do so. I do not care for change but I welcome it with open arms. It is unavoidable so why should I fight it? Instead I should embrace it and do everything in my power to aid it into a positive change. As far as the changes the loved ones in my life are facing I can honestly say that i do not know how they will turn out.

Here I thought that I knew most, not all, of what was going on with a friend of mine when I really don't know anything at all. Maybe it is my own fault for not trying to be overly involved with the problems and demons they may have been facing. Maybe it was partly their fault. Regardless I cannot say that I am the friend that I thought I was to them when I know nothing of what is going on. It feels like we are all taking our separate roads, leaving those the were once held in high regard in the dark to fend for themselves. Why would we knowing do such a thing when they can be some of the greatest support a person can have? Are we not setting ourselves up to fail by taking this solitary journey. But who am I to say such things? It is your life, your choice. I only wanted to be a part of it.

Back to changes. I expect the changes and hurdles that lie a head to be challenging but well worth it. We (ray and i) can no longer live like we are at this moment. It is not that we are not grateful because we are, but to be treated like we do not deserve the same respect and privileges as some of the other roommates is the final straw. This is not their house to be making the decisions that they are making. Being that I cannot not and will not address the party to which I am referring to, I turned to the "landlord" to address issues that have arisen since we have taken up residency. Although I truly believe that those issues have been mentioned because I believe the landlord to be one to keep their word, the fact that things do not change is enough. We want to be able to live some where with total comfort and know that we are not prisoners of our own room. Our marriage is the one that is hurting out of all this. Myself being that passive person that wants nothing but to make peace and Ray the one who wants to confront and take charge of the issues, we are butting heads. So enough is enough. I have backed down and allowed the unavoidable to truth to be shown. We have to do what we have to do.

I still am feeling guilt because I do not want to cause our true friends any grief or cause them to struggle. But in the end I am afraid that this situation may hurt our friendship. I know that you are going to take this personally, please don't. It is not an attack towards you just an admission of truth. I value the friendship that we have and would never do anything to sever that. I just can no longer live with the childishness and the animosity towards me that is uncalled for. I have never done anything to the one in question except try to make nice. But that is redundant.

This has grown far longer than I expected it to so I am just going to end this before I say anything else that will be my own undoing.