Backfired

What is the defination of a friend? Friend- a: one attached to another by affection or esteem b: acquaintance2 a: one that is not hostile b: one that is of the same nation, party, or group3: one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)4: a favored companion5capitalized : a member of a Christian sect that stresses Inner Light, rejects sacraments and an ordained ministry, and opposes war —called also Quaker

I like to think that is what i am. I try to help others that are close to me any way that I can. I give a hundred percent into my friendships. When they need someone to talk to I am there. SO why is it that when I try to talk to my "Friends" I tend to bring out the worse or make them sad? It is not my intentions. I mean why would I do such a thing to the people in my life? If you are in my life it means that you matter to me so I could not do such a thing. Or better yet why is that when I try to conversate with one of them they have to go and assume that it is I have a crush on them? Why can't it be just because I want to talk to them? I am so sick of hearing about the things that I cause after I drag it out of them. Can you not just be honest and upfront? So I guess that I will just have to go back to being the person I was and not socialize or help anyone because I am tired of this. Tired of others thinking that I have a second agenda. ANd here i was thinking that I was actually helping them. Damn how stupid could I be.

Insecurities

Why must you keep thinking that something is going to happen? Can I not be friends with someone and not be trying to be with them or they try to be with me? I am with you and choose to be that way so why do I always notice that when I am hanging around a person more than once you start? I like only having a few good friends that i can hang out with but that doesn't mean that anything is going to happen. Why must you make me feel like I cannot have a really friendship with anyone without you getting an attitude or making the comments that you do? Don't say that you don't because we both know that you do, you have already admitted it remember. I just wish that for once you would start trusting others and myself when it comes to me. Nothing is going to happen and those in my life know that I am taken so why do you worry so? I don't freak out when you are talking to one of the two ladies I know about that like you unless they are being sneaky. It is called being secure in our relationship and it is called trust. It just doesn't seem like you are very secure and it is really bothering me. I am tired of having to drag it out of you when I know that you a starting to think suspicious thoughts. Hell I am tired of you having them. Why can't you just trust that there is nothing and will never be anything going on? You should be proud and flattered that your wife is still attractive to people. Hell i am when people say things about you. The first thing I think is not about how that person must be trying to steal you away but rather about how damn lucky I am that you chose me Out of everyone else. In the end you need to start having trust and stop being so damn insecure

So this is what i need right now, a little peace and tranquility. I love this pic because it reminds me of where i took it. It was a gorgeous stop along the road in the Smokey mountain state park. It was the most beautiful place that i have seen in a while. I could have just stayed there for hours. I love natural beauty and beautiful landscapes. Maybe I should learn how to take landscape pictures or something. Anyways justthought I would share

I started my English Composition Class today and as part of my grade I have to do a journal or have a blog. Well I guess it is a good thing that I have blog, even though i am not faithful to it. So I have to post 20-30 times this month so yay for me. But I like the fact that I can write whatever that I want to. anyways on to my posting!