Pushing me further and further away
Not even noticing the distance that is growing
but is it the distant that is non existing to you or is it me?]
I loved you and still love you
I cared for you and would have done anything for you
But did you ever feel the same bout me?
You say that you do/did
but it is hard to believe.
Why should I believe you when you haven't even been honest with yourself>
one day I may believe you and let you back in
But that is far off in the distant future.
Show me that I am important to you
THat I actually mean something to you
Then maybe we can go from there
But 0nly until you can be honest to yourself
I am gone, Giving up some may call it
But either way it is safe for me and my feelings this way
So it is up to you

All That I'm Living For
(song lyrics---Amy Lee)

All that I'm living for
all that I'm dying for
all that I can't ignore alone at night

I can feel the night beginning
separate me from the living
understand me
after all I've seen
piecing every thought together
find the words to make me better
if I only knew how to pull myself apart

All that I'm living for
all that I'm dying for
all that I can't ignore alone at night
all that I'm wanted for
althought I wanted more
lock the last open door
my ghosts are gaining on me

I believe that dreams are sacred
take my darkest fears and play them
like a lullaby
like a reason why
like a play of my obsessions
make me understand the lesson
so I'll find myself
so I won't be lost again

All that I'm living for
all that I'm dying for
all that I can't ignore alone at night
all that I'm wanted for
although I wanted more
lock the last open door
my ghost are gaining on me

Guess I thought I'd have to change the world
to make you see me
to be the one
I could have run forever
but how far would I have come
without mourning your love?

All that I'm living for
all that I'm dying for
all that I can't ignore alone at night
all that I'm wanted for
althought I wanted more
lock the last open door
my ghosts are gaining on me

should it hurt to love you?
should I feel like I do?
should I lock the last open door
my ghosts are gaining on me....

It is funny how much can be changed within a person
A person can change their hair, weight, eye color, and even their sexual orientation
But the only thing that cannot be change is who that person is deep down inside.
So why do why try so hard to do such an impossible deed?
What is the goal that will be received if we were ever able to accomplish changing our true selves?
The way I see it is this is like this,
Even if we were able to change our true selves into something that we thought we should be is it really worth it in the end?
You have to stop and think about why you are wanting to change or why you should have to change
No one should have to change for someone that they love or want to be with because then it wouldn't be true,
So really you can only be true to yourself and accept who you are deep down.

What happened to us?
We used to be really close friends
But now I only get the feeling that you couldn't care if I was around
Losing you as a friend is a nightmare that I do not want to face
You said that you would never push me a way well it seems like you are now
What could I have done to make you put the walls up and the mask back on?
I thought we could talk about things but whenever I try it just seems like I am bothering you
It hurts me all these thoughts that I really don't know are true.
I could just be extremely paranoid or they could be true and you just won't tell me
I don't want to stop being your friend and I don't want to stop caring about you
If you had only given me a honest straightforward answer where you did not change your mind
Maybe I would have known what to do
But don't punish me because I am or was unsure of what to do because I was getting mixed ideas from you
I am sorry that you waited a year, I never knew
I am sorry if I caused you confusion, it was never my intention
I am sorry if I have caused you pain, cause it is something i never wanted to do
So I only ask that we can atleast be friends again like you said
I want to help you when you have questions, need advice or whatever like before
I know it cannot be exactly like before but it could be close
I won't bother you anymore about what started this unless you want to talk to me about it
I promise!
I just want my friend back
Please forgive me.....

Good Enough---Amy Lee

Under your spell again
I can't say no to you
crave my heart and its bleeding in your hand
I can't say no to you

Shouldn't have let you torture me so sweetly
now I can't let go of this dream
I can't breathe but I feel

Good enough
I feel good enough for you

Drunk up sweet decadence
I can't say no to you
and I've completely lost myself
and I don't mind
I can't say no to you

Shouldn't have let you
conquer me completely
now I can't let go of this dream
can't believe that I feel

Good enough
I feel good enough
its been such a long time coming,
but I feel good

And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall
pour real life down on me
cause I can't hold on to anything this good enough
am I good enough
for you to love me too!

So take care what you ask of me,
cause I can't say no

So I am trying to make changes on here and I am not doing to well I think. So I guess I am going to have to beg for help!!!! Suggestions? Anyone?

My heart broke a little today when you told me the news
I couldn't believe it and probably still don't
I know you have been talking about it and telling me that you were going to
But part of me thought that you would never go through with it
I guess I was wrong and so now I will have to adjust
Adjust to not being about to talk to you whenever I feel like
Or not being about to come over and just shoot the breeze
Constant worry is going to set in whenever you make this venture
Worrying whether or not you are surviving, safe or warm
You never think about how much you will miss someone until they are gone
That is all I have been thinking about tonight
I just hope that you will keep in touch like you said you will
I hope that you won't forget the ones that are here waiting for you
Remember that you will always have a friend in me
When you need my help I will be here or even when you just need to vent
In a way I think you were right about soul mates

Happy New Year Everyone!!!!!


So a new year has come, what to do this year? To everyone that might read this hope you have a great new year and that you accomplish everything that you want to. That is all I am writing tonight because the rest would just be a drunken rant that made no sense!