What great joy marriage is. Day in and day out I get to sit and listen to my husband bad mouth me, belittle me, tell me that I don't do anything, oooo and that I am not attractive to him anymore. It is not like my self esteem is sooo high right now that I can handle it. I think I have come to realize that I am slipping into a severe state of depression. Being surrounded by negativity every day doesn't make things better. It feels like my husband isn't even happy with me anymore and I don't even know why. Things have changed and we are slowly falling apart...

Will you let the little time you have on this earth slip through your fingertips?


Here is my thought for the day...(my 2 cents)...stop what you are doing right now!
Now, think real hard about whether or not what you were currently doing was a big waste of time.
Could you picture yourself doing something that you really wanted to do?
If so then why aren't you doing it!
We all have very little time in this world and should seriously consider this when we go to waste it.
We never know when it is going to happen so why waste a precious second?


Get out there and do what you want cause it is you time and no one else's!

Unhappiness fills my soul
As I gaze into his caring eyes
My mind has already let go
But my heart is unwilling
I'm just dragging him along
So I will have someone just to go home to.
I know it is selfish and wrong
But I have to have someone in my life.
So I can't let go, not yet
He's the best thing I have going for me
The only thing I have going for me
I need him
I love him
But I can't handle this
No trust
Constant arguing
Give it another chance
Cause I know it can work
Just keep telling myself this
Because who else is there?
I'll settle for this
Because this is all I have
I just want to be loved
And he is the only one
The only one who loves me.

We all take life for granted
Thinking there will be a tomorrow
For many of us there is a sunrise
But for some only darkness
We go day to day living for the next
When we should live for now
Some get the chance to chase their dreams
Others don't get a chance to dream
Everyone is immortal, or so they may think
Until you never awake
So live your life to the fullest
Each and everyday
Because you may never know
When God will take it a way.

I wrote the words "I miss you" in the sand
The blue of the sea that day was too dazzling

I wander alone, searching for you
Among the passing crowds in the bustling cities
I turned as though I faintly heard
A voice calling for me, but no one was there

Such painful feelings are just hard to bear
The sun burns as it shines down on me

I wrote the words "I miss you" in the sand
The blue of the sea that day was too dazzling
When I whispered the words "please get my message" [1]
The shade of the clouds that day was too sorrowful

"There's no such thing as a never-ending story"
You murmured as you looked away
Now that I understand the meaning of those words all too late
You aren't here

I finally realised that these days of playing dress-up
Over and over again are just pointless
Wanting to tell you those words of "thank you"
I ran through the crowd at sunset
My heart is shouting out its need to cry
The sun is laughing as it looks down on me

I dream, wondering if you will come for me
While I've fallen asleep, worn out from crying; I miss you

I wrote the words "I miss you" in the sand
The blue of the sea that day was too dazzling
If I bring myself to say the word "goodbye"
I wonder if I can relieve these heartbreaking feelings?

"Man does not make meaning, man makes illusions and traps for himself."

So my New year is starting off very shitty. My husband just decides to get drunk and tell me that he is leaving me and that I am sch a fucking liar. OOOO and that I am hiding this big ass secret. See now he is talking about something from way in the past that we were suppose to have let go/. So yea I just give up/ He just keep sitting here making me look like and ass and just keeps talking. Doesn't really care about he is making me feel. I just give up

My heart still flutters when I see you or hear your voice.
I still get those butterflies in my stomach thinking of you.
I can only smile when you are on my mind.
But this where you will only be.
What could have been if I had just taken that step...
I wonder every now and then if I made the right choice.

SO Chris this is to you..
you are the only one that ever tags except helen every once in a while.
I am not sure why you are always wanting to see what I write
I am not even sure you know exactly what I am writing about.
But I am glad you read this
I am glad that you take the time out of your day to comment.
so thank you

Ummm... There isn't much to write about but if I don't update regularly then I get in trouble by SOMEONE....... So I am updating. FINALLY, Christmas is over. And it is about time,.

SO this is just to wish everyone a Merry Christmas!!!

A rush of nervousness rushes thru me as I gaze over at you.
Your gentle and caring demeanor causes my heart to race.
What is it about you that causes all the color to rush to my cheeks?
Maybe it is your caring attitude
Or maybe it is just your personality?
Well whatever it is don't change it because it is working.
IT is working on me, and it is working on others.
I can only smile when you look my way because words escape me.
Then the thoughts and ideas start rushing to my head.
I wonder what could be or what would have it been like,
For see I will never know what could have been.
So for now all I can do is wonder and wonder if you ever do the same.

Marriage is everyone's goal in life
But not everyone knows the rights.
You have the right to disagree or to even squabble over the little things.
You don't have the right to harm the one you love
NO matter how mad they make you!
You have the right to burn dinner occasionally.
You don't have the right to scorch it on purpose.
You have the right to your own private time.
You don't have the right to make that all the time.
You have the right to be stubborn.
You don't have the right to be stubborn all the time.
You have the right to be wrong.
You don't have the right not to admit when you have been.
Most of all you have the right to be loved unconditionally.
But you don't have the right to not return the love.
Marriage is about love and trust.
Marriage is about understanding and forgiveness.
So know your rights,and be true to your heart.

Dad's Song
This song is for you. I want you to feel it in your heart.
For you to know that we're together when we're apart.
Ever and ever sharing a love so bold that toches the depths
of our souls.
This song is for you to lift your spirits when you are blue
Please feel we're together when we're apart be secure
with this knowledge in your heart.
There can be no tomorrow without yesterday....(unfinished)

Congratulations

Congratulations pal
Congratulations buddy
Congratulations friend

Congratulations on your new found happiness
Congratulations on your rediscovered love
Congratulations on taking that first step

I offer a few words of advice
I offer a few words of learned wisdom
I offer a few words of caution and hesitation

Don't leap blindly off that cliff
Don't forget to be true to yourself
Remember to give only your love
Remember to take only her love

Take your time
Don't rush

A heart should never be broken
A love should never be rushed
Happiness should never be forced
You should never feel alone

Butterfly

Butterfly
Beautiful butterfly with gracious movement
Attractive colors amazingly silent
Spread your wings little butterfly
Ever changing butterfly with graceful flights

Didn't start this way did you, Butterfly?
You were same as your caterpillar friends
Couldn't set yourself apart Butterfly

You took the step to be unique
Emerging from your cacoon
Emerging as a vivid butterfly

I am this butterfly
Ever changing, growing more beautiful
Shedding my shell emergin brand new

Will you see me as this butterfly
or
The everyday plain caterpillar no
Different than you?

Entrust your hand to me
and close your eyes

Let me kiss your eyelids
and I will heal your pain
Sleep, please, be at ease...

I want to feel reassurance that
parting with fear has the same sorrow for everyone,
as does being wrapped up in perplexity

If everyone could realize the ineffectiveness of fighting
then shining sunlight would ascend to us
Until that time, I will pray, so...

The morning light has the scent of hope
Flowing into the colorful stream

All right, our fingertips touch the handle
We'll open the door to the future together

The echoing sounds of happy bells
And the winged angel's song is being sung

Ah, this eternal love continues
To believe that you are near me

But even when I am crushed inside
I still love your frequent smiles

The most important words
Come from inside the heart

If we attack the rage and sadness together
Everything will be okay

Ah, to walk on this eternal road
Somethings are still unclear

Continuing on to our future...

My heart was swimming
in words gathered by the wind
My voice bounded into
a cloud-carried tomorrow

My heart trembled
in the moon-swayed mirror
Soft tears
spilled with a stream of stars

Isn't it beautiful?
If we could walk, hand in hand,
I'd want to go
to your town, your home, in your arms

I dream of being
against your chest
my body in your keeping
disappearing into the evening

Words halted by wind
are a gentle illusion
A tomorrow torn by clouds is
the voice of a distant place

My heart that had been
in a moon-blurred mirror that flowed
Those stars that trembled and spilled
cannot hide my tears

Isn't it beautiful?
If we could walk, hand in hand,
I'd want to go
to your town, your home, in your arms

My dream of
your face
that I softly touch
melts in the morning

This is for anyone who has been hurt or offended by my thoughts. This is not my intention. I just wanted this to be my spot to unload and pretend that I can write. Somethings maybe true some maybe fiction. Ask and I may tell. So before you assume what I write is all true about my life maby you should find out from the author.