As the sun sets...

Light dances across the sky as the sun sinks behind the wooded landscape. The vibrant colors blend together into a picture of abstract art. As I sit here, watching the sun performing its graceful exit I think of you.

What are you doing at this moment?
Are you thinking of me?
Do you still have the same feelings for me?

Questions that are crashing around in my head, taking up much needed space, but I can not clear them. These consequences are what I have to face for having the feelings that I have for you. Feelings that you can truly never understand, but you try.

A million emotions flow through my body when I think about you and I could not even begin to describe them. All that really matters is that they are there. Most are wanted but a tiny few I could live without. Like apprenshion, doubt, fear but they are apart of the package.

As the darkness creeps in through the emptiness left by the sun, I come to my usual conclusion; if it was meant to be then what happens will also be meant to be. I plan on enjoying every minute of your company that I can.

I love you...

love lost

Lonely, that's how it feels.
Left behind, is what it is
Forgotten, maybe
Un-needed,probably

Just some of the thoughts that enter my mind when I start to think about our withering friendship. I really think that the way I saw our friendship was not the way you may have perceived it to be. I give my all to what little friends I choose to have because it is quality, not quantity, that matters to me. I think you may think otherwise

Message after message goes unanswered. If it wasn't for the fact that I can tell when you read any of my messages, I would not even know if you were still alive.
There are feelings involved that you will never know. You are more than a friend to me and that is what hurts the most.

I should not worry though, I know that when you need something from me you will contact me. But this time I will not be there.

Happiness Squandered

Sitting here, gazing off into my own little world, I sit and think about the things we do as people. We seem to live off of drama, tension, and any other dark, depressing feeling that is in the every day world. It seems impossible for us to use the light or uplifting events/feelings to sustain us. Why is that we just throw away any chance at happiness or living a almost decent life?

We don't have to always look at the ugly parts of life or the world. Hell, it would be a better place if we could all look for that silver lining. Think about. Would you rather dwell on all the happiness and good about your life or just live in that dreary ass darkness that is in every one's life?

Me, personally, would rather enjoy the warmth of the light. Yes, it might actually be like work but the end result would so be worth it. So that is what my mission for life is going to start being. To live positively and enjoy the warmth. Hopefully I will see you there.

Are we ready?

Nervously, I sit here pondering what is to come in the next two months of our lives. I am excited at the possibility of being able to have what we have so desperately wanted but I can not help but be a little bit apprehensive. Maybe it is just the normal jitters that can happen.

Are we ready for this? I mean have you really sat down and thought about how our lives will changed forever? It isn't that I don't want this, because I do, I just want to make sure that we are ready and you understand what it is that you are wanting to get into.

I say fuck being ready cause there is no such thing. We could never truly be prepared for such a step so lets just do it without looking back. As long as we know our love for each other is true and will always be there we will survive.

I love you baby and I am ready...

My hand begins to fall

A person can only hold their hand outstretched for so long before it starts to fall. Ours has already started to wilt and I do not think I am going to raise it again once it falls.

If it ain't one thing it is another

I am really getting tired of constantly being ill or injured. I am aware that I am partly to blame for this beacuse I am overweight. I mean I am still sore from my surgery which I found out when I went back to work and discovered that I was far from being 100%. Now I think an injury that happened a month ago at the bowling alley has turned into a real issue. I can barely walk today and the pain of standing up is just killing me. I do not want to get it looked at for fear of what they will tell me especially about missing more work. I know my job has to be getting fed up with this shit even though there is nothing they can do about it. Damn!! I wish I could just have a carefree week.

Selective Vision

We see them everyday, those who only see what they want to see. Hell, it is good chance that we are one of them. What they see can range anywhere from what they think they look like physically to who they are mentally. What it boils down to is that we are selective as humans to what we want to see about ourselves. If we don't want to see that we are beautiful then we can just see ourselves as the ugliest person in the world. It would be impossible to prove otherwise until that person is ready to see the truth. Until that moment, this person will only see what they want to see. Quite frankly it can totally piss off the the person who is trying to convince them otherwise or even cause them to give up completely.

I mean honestly, just think about trying to physically move a brick wall. That is what I think it would be like when it comes to trying to talk sense or reason into people who choose to have selective vision. It is quite frustrating and pushes you to the point of just wanting to say "fuck it" Believe me I have been there and have the shirt to prove it.

Now I am not saying that I am above this and have never been victim of this disease because I will be the first to admit that I have. What I am trying to express is that people need to open their eyes to the whole truth that things may or may not be as bad as they seem or that they are possibly just as much as fault as they may blame others to be.

Rock and a hard place

I do not want to be put in the middle but I feel that I should know both sides of the story because there are always two sides of a story. (and there is always stuff that is left out or exaggerated)

Don't worry about me, I plan to stay out of it unless a comment is made that offends me or mine. Yes, I took our once mutual friend in because I am not heartless enough to let someone sleep in their car with nowhere to go when I have a perfectly good spare room.

The only comment I will make is that I think what you all did yesterday was spiteful and childish (food). I really thought that you all were atleast better than that. I really hope our friendship is not affected by this because I fear that it will be.